I have never been much of a patient person. I do not like to wait, which is probably why I am having such a hard time with being in a state of waiting, in limbo. I like to be active, doing things. I tend to forget that I can still be active while I wait. I don’t have to sit around for hours on end, stare off into space, and twiddle my thumbs while I wait for the next step.
I don’t have to have life planned out right now even though it feels like I have to. I can still get involved in the community even though I don’t have a set plan for the next few years. My life doesn’t have to be perfect. It can’t be perfect. There is no magic formula to create your future and the rest of your life. It doesn’t work that way, but sometimes it feels like it.
Although it feels like I’m not doing much, I am doing things. I am being active.
- I am unwinding from the insanity that was all those years of public school and the intensity that was my four years at a private Christian university.
- I am taking time to get to know myself and see how I function in the workplace.
- I have a job.
- I am involved in community theater.
- I am writing a book.
- I am slowly building new friendships.
- I am seeing a therapist that I finally think I can stick with (She is number 9 or 10).
- I am digging through the gunk and sludge, smoothing out the sharp rocks, and clearing out those places in my mind I locked away.
I may not be sure of what is going to happen next, but I am making progress. And that is a pretty good start.