Don’t Sugarcoat It

Forgiveness is hard. It isn’t easy. And it isn’t a cure-all magic pill.

We shouldn’t sugarcoat forgiveness or any of the other hard things in life that are steps toward wholeness. We complain when medicine tastes gross, but we take it anyway. Its purpose is to assist in the recovery process, it isn’t there to taste good. It isn’t candy. The same goes for forgiveness. It isn’t something that tastes good. It’s something that we want to spit out. Then why is it that we seem to think that it should be otherwise? People accept that medicine is gross but helpful. If we accept it for medication, why not for forgiveness?

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Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

Wounds heal with the proper care and treatment along with time. Time alone does not heal a wound. If something goes untreated, it can fester and turn into an infection. You need to clean it, put ointment on it, and bandage it up. In some cases, the wound is bad enough to need a bandage change, antibiotics, a tetanus shot, and maybe even a trip or stay in the hospital. You can’t leave these sorts of things alone.

The same goes for mental illness and trauma. You can’t put it to the side and just hope that it goes away. It doesn’t work that way. It needs to be talked about, written about, and shared. It isn’t easy; it’s super hard to do. But once it’s no longer just you in this bubble of pain and hurt, others who love and care for you can help in tending and caring for your mental wounds and scars. That in and of itself is priceless.

Isolation

I don’t always have a proper view of myself. I have struggled with low self-esteem and still do sometimes. I have major, major, major trust issues. I tend push all of my emotions to the back. I can’t handle other people not being able to handle them, so it’s better for everyone if I just box it up. But that isn’t true. It is a lie. An awful, isolating lie.

When I’m isolated is when I have the most issue with all of my problems. It is when I’m attacked. I do well, and then I hit a downward spiral that takes me out of commission for a while. Sometimes, it can be for months. That is being human, though, I suppose. Maybe I’m not fooling myself when I think I’m doing better. Maybe I really am but happen to hit a pothole in the road that makes it seem as though I’m not making progress. And, maybe, I’ll never truly be “better.”

God can heal me, cleanse me, and make me whole. I’m sure of that. I don’t think that His view of healing, cleansing and wholeness match up with mine all the time however. I know I have issues, but I’m getting better with God’s help. It doesn’t matter if I’m surrounded by loving, caring, and understanding people, although it does help, or I’m a hermit on a mountain. God is the one in charge, and at the end of the day, that is all that matters.

I forget that a lot. I need reminding, and sometimes it can take a few months of loneliness and apathy to crack into desperation, which then points me back in the right direction. Funny enough, once I’m back on the right track, the problems don’t change, but how I feel and approach them does.

Not being in a close-knit community of believers is tough. When I’m home, I miss my school and my friends. However, this is not unlike what it might be like once I graduate. Friendships require work and effort on all sides. I’m not going to sit idly by as they disintegrate just because I don’t see these people 24/7. But as important as people are to me, I can’t become dependent on them. I’ve made that mistake enough, and I’ve been on the opposite end of it one too many times. All that does is end in pain on all sides. To expect all of your needs to be met by another human being is asking to be let down, disappointed, and quite possibly, heartbroken.

You can’t place all of your hope in people. People are human. No one is perfect, and that is ok. The only being able and capable of providing what you need is God. It doesn’t matter if you have people or not. God can and does work through people, but He isn’t confined to just that method.

Trust God to take care of you. He will. It’s a lesson that I am constantly learning and relearning. I’m not perfect, and I’ll certainly slip up somewhere at some point. The thing is, I have an ever so patient Heavenly Father willing to love and care for me without hesitation. If that isn’t the best gift ever, then I don’t know what is.

You know you have Jet lag when…

You sleep during the day and are wide awake at night.

You wake up at 2:30am and can’t fall back asleep until 6am.

You sleep until 2:30pm after not being able to fall asleep until 6am.

Sleeping pills don’t help.

You are wide awake at an hour where no one should be awake unless it is finals week.

You get up and start doing things at random hours of the night because lying in bed is boring, and you want something to do.

You watch as the sun rises, and light enters your room.

You hear your siblings’ alarm clock go off, and you realize that the entire night just passed by without you getting any sleep.

You have a longer than average conversation with God because there is no one else who is up at that hour to talk to.

You go through and organize your photos.

You clean out your inbox.

You finish a long blog entry that you had been putting off.

You work on forms that need to be turned in.

You realize that exhaustion isn’t the issue…it’s that your body clock is just screwy..

You shrug and hope that the sleeping pills will work tomorrow night.

You are willing to try and keep yourself awake for more than 24 hours just so you can attempt to correct your messed up body clock.