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Survivor

How often does that label get tossed around? I sure don’t feel like a survivor. I’ve done a lot and gone through a lot, but I haven’t gone through many of the terrible things out there that I know others have. I feel like my experiences don’t even compare. And they don’t.

However, I shouldn’t get down on myself because my experiences were not “as bad” as another person’s trauma. It isn’t our place to belittle one person’s trauma while elevating someone else’s. Trauma is something that shouldn’t be compared.

Many people have told me that I’m strong. I have a hard time believing that one as well. I have deal with panic and anxiety on a daily basis. I have had flashbacks that render me frozen and shaking. Why would anyone call that strong? Their reasoning is usually related to the fact that I haven’t turned to drugs or drinking as a coping strategy. I still don’t see it.

The closest anyone has ever gotten me to agreeing with them on that was when they told me that my strength is big because my strength is as big as the God that is in me. Wow. My strength is as big as God’s because my strength comes from him. Cause for thought, huh?

I still don’t like to label myself as strong. I’ve been through a lot, and I have survived. I have God’s strength inside of me, and I have been gifted with resilience that enables me to bend without breaking in storms, much like bamboo. I still have a ways to go and a lot that needs to heal. But you know what? I’m going to be alright. It may not be in the way that some people would use to label as alright, but that’s ok because what matters is that I’m ok.

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